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AUSXIP Spartacus News


 

        24 February 2010

Spartacus Shadow of Death Review


I just found this review so hysterically funny. Reminded me of the ol' Television Without Pity reviews (or it might be them under a different name?) Anyway check this out!

Spartacus: The Shadow Of Death

The Olympics have made television viewing a bit of a coin toss for me. On a Friday night, do I watch shirtless hunkasaurs pummel each other or do I watch several hours of ice dancing? These are the G-cisions a boy has to make. On the spot, I chose the latter. In retrospect, I clearly chose poorly because, really, how can I take that precious time away from Spartacus? I don't want to sound culturally ignorant but, for one night, Spartacus' "Shadow Games" proved far superior to Vancouver's reindeer games. One word: Colossus.

The drought's driven Doctore mad as a hatter, having sparring gladiators change partners faster than a dormouse can sing Twinkle, Twinkle. Xena Lucretia Lohan has dyed her hair red again and delivers a candygram to a deliriously spinning Batiatus informing him that the town magistrate is having a Royal Rumble for the Gods in hopes it will bring rain. There's nothing that makes me the Gods cry more than seeing two meatballs beat each other to death for sport. When the magistrate arrives, along with the jeweler/fellow ludus owner Solonius, he reveals that Theokoles has been purchased by Solonius for the Royal Rumble. Theokoles has never been defeated, and the only man to survive fighting him was Doctore. To fight this undefeated mountain of fury, Batiatus, in his best MC Hammer-inspired robes, decides to send Crixus and Spartacus to fight as one. Crixus has a crazy-eyed silent fit because he's a lone wolf, a maverick, a ... you get the picture.