SPARTACUS: BLOOD AND SAND
Season 1 Episode 3 Legends
(aka Spartacus: Play School Version)

Reviewed by MaryD

Goodness. Starz has sanitized this show for Channel 9 beyond recognition. Whilst I do not enjoy a lot of violence, sex and rock 'n roll, it has it's place and it's place is on Spartacus! There is something totally ridiculous without the violence, without the nudity, without the naughty words...it's wrong.

Wow. Someone remind me since it's been a while since I've seen Legends (and I can't find my original copy), was there a love scene at the beginning with Spartacus and Sura? You have Spartacus getting ready and then it cuts abruptly to Doctore yelling orders.

Australian TV is not normally adverse to showing boobs but somehow this is turning into Play School Spartacus. I'm the first one to admit I have railed against those who just want to see this show for the sex, the violence and the nudity and have thought that you could remove these elements and it would still be a great show but seriously, all those elements give the show it's soul ontop of the great writing, the characters, the acting and the plot! You can't remove one aspect without affecting the other. It's just not possible. Spartacus: Play School is what you get.

1. The scene where Lucretia is being sold the necklace to impress Ilithyia and she has Naevia model the necklace. In the US version she takes off Naevia's dress so she can have a better look at the necklace and we see Neavia boobs.

In the Aussie version, you see none of that. What you see is a good look at Lesley-Ann's gorgeous tattoo on her shoulder and at Lucretia haggling for the necklace.

2. The scene where Lucretia orders Crixus to her. You see one long shot of Lucretia coming forward and then NOTHING below the neck and abruptly the scene ends. Way way disjointed.

3. This line from Doctore nearly had me falling off my chair in disbelief:

"Not if Jupiter himself were to rip open the heavens and dangle his...ROD from the skies..."

How very genteel of Doctore. It sounds like Peter - the focus turns to Spartacus whilst Doctore is speaking but it does sound like Peter so I'm going to say they filmed that scene differently OR someone who sounds like Pete did a good job of inserting ROD where the other naughty word should be.

4. It's not only Doctore getting all nice and proper. We also have Varro. In the middle of the muck in the hole...Varro utters the immortal swear word...FRICK!

"no glimpse into the fevered brain of what the FRICK you are doing..."

Again you don't SEE Varro saying the words, just hear him and it sounds like Jai so...this is ridiculous!

5. Lucretia's corruption of Ilithyia

We have an entire scene ripped apart. The scene where Lucretia entices Ilithyia to sample the stock and Varro with the slave girl...GONE. I have to say that scene wasn't my favourite but to have the entire scene cut out? It goes to the core of Lucretia's plan to corrupt Ilithyia! The scene in the photo NEVER happened.

Completely gone. Not a shred of it. No closeups no nothing. What's worse is that you have Lucretia and Ilithyia discussing the previous evening's events at the arena the next day..what events? Nothing happened. It was all a figment of Ilithyia's imagination. What? No, really it was. She gets all excited over some wine and a bit of gladiator watching? If I didn't know about that edited scene, this scene would be totally superfluous. Bleh.

We have boobs, violence AND naughty words edited out. Why exactly is this show on at 9:30 pm? It's so sanitized it could be on at 6:30 pm and more importantly why is there a warning at the start of the show about sex? THERE ISN'T ANY.

NO NUDITY. NO VIOLENCE. NO BLOOD. NO NAUGHTY WORDS.

JUPITER'S ROD! WHAT THE FRICK IS GOING ON!!!!!

Wow...Spartacus: Play School Version.